He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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