I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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