Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
