the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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