I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
