is your mom at the bar?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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