The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
