hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.