It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married