Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.