I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that