so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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