you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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