Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my phone needs a breathalizer
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
