This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize