She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
