We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
