Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
