I CAN MOONWALK!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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