I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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