I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
