omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
