I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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