another moral hangover. fuck.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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