i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
