That's when you crack a 10am beer
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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