Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
