What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Girls should come with a carfax report
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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