now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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