Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
