When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
