Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
