Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
