She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
