I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
