I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
