I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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