why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
