I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
