One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
