i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
