can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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