Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
