Duck Duck Cougar?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
