I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
only if we run a train.
done.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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