I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
