I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
