would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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