i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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