i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
