My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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