my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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