I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
