I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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