We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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