You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
