I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize