I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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