It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize