New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
