Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
