I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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