if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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