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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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