he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
