If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
