I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.