Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Someone came in the potted fern
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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