My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
