i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize