I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
